The Bored Colander and the Sad and Tragic Tale of His Girlfriend the Bisexual Naïve Nutmeg

Once there was a shiny metal colander,
Who thought it would be kinky to play,
With his girlfriend the nutmeg, and a young lady grater,
To keep his boredom at bay.

All night the threesome grated,
Said the grater:- 'you may,
Rub Miss Nutmeg up against me,
Just to keep your boredom at bay'.

For hours they grunted, groaned and grated,
'You're so sexy', the nutmeg would say,
'O honey', cried the grater as she climaxed,
And they all kept boredom at bay.

The orgy proceeded speedily,
But no more on the sex today,
Let's get on and tell the tragic end,
Of the nutmeg who kept boredom at bay.

So slowly the grating shrunk the nutmeg,
With her suff'ring from each frictional lay,
But nutmeg shavings, they failed to bother her,
She wanted to keep boredom at bay.

At six the worried grater whispered:
'Nutmeg! O how little you weigh!',
But the foolish naked nutmeg ignored her comments,
Enjoying keeping boredom at bay.

Sadly, the nutmeg is now dead and gone,
Mostly in an egg custard, so they say,
The grater and colander washing in the sink,
Keeping his boredom at bay.

The above poem was written for a friend's birthday. Her party was held in an area of South-East London that my dad described as 'Where the gangsters come from'. However, I didn't see a single dodgy looking bloke. Very disappointing.